Writing 101: Day 2 – A room with a view

The place I’d like to go right now is not physical, it doesn’t have a geographic location, it doesn’t even have a definite appearance. It does, however, occupy one of our Terran dimensions. I wistfully long to visit more often than I ought but especially when life is feeling hectic, stormy or oppressive.

I’ve discovered I can go there anytime I like and stay as long as I need. Breathe in deep and replenish my soul then set my face into the wind upon my return.

To compare this place to Terran havens would depend on what I are seeking at the time. When its warmth and peace and tranquility, the vision includes a warm seafront, with the sea gently lapping at the sand. Stepping one foot before the other on the sand feels warm and natural. Laying in the shade of wide leaved trees, the air moves just lightly enough to keep your skin comfortable, the soft crests of the sea impact with the shore just firmly enough to feel its confidence, the horizon is just distant enough to leave you feeling small.

Other times, when tearful emotions call, there is a powerful, endless cascading waterfall. Sounds of rushing water fill your thoughts. Melodic sounds of birds flitting between trees, melodies of colours from the flowers and plants nearby while you’re nestled in the comfortably curved and hugging space between a trunk and branch.

Sometimes the timeless setting is held in a snapshot of a moment of perfect beauty. Like overlooking a wild sea as the sun drops to the horizon reaching a changing crescendo of reds and oranges rippling across soft clouds and quickly fading to blues and purples. Hand clasped in hand together gaping in awe and trying to etch the image in memories.

In this haven, no one can intrude with electronic bleeps and rattles, demanding that you care about each successive piece of news, to know where and when you’ll be on some date 2 weeks away or filling your thoughts with tales of sadness from across the world. None of that comes in. Nothing can break through the portal. Complete safety and solitude.

Even better is the ability to step away from time’s linear line. Press pause and drift away.

My haven is in an idyllic time bubble.

Writing 101: Day 1 – Stream of consciousness

The first task is to write for 20 minutes. Dare I publish? I doubt it, its going to be nonsensical, winding and about nothing in particular. 11.57…will take me to 12.17.

I signed up to this course because I love the idea of writing on a blog but don’t really feel like I know what I’m doing or what to write about. I started a craft related one 3 years ago, where I’m drafting this post, but haven’t kept it up to date with other craft projects which have included making a thing out of wood, an advent calendar, adjusting a pair of trousers to fit me better and probably some more things, oh my crocheted christmas gifts. (Must send card to Matts mum). I would like to get into the habit of posting something regularly, I would hope that people might read it occasionally and gain something from the experience. I want it to be like FB can be sometimes – I’ll post this idea on FB…I want those thoughts to occur to me during the day, I’ll make some notes, grab a picture and type it up. I want to check out peoples blogs on wordpress and other blog sites more often, have a bit of a nose around.

Matt’s idea is to document falling in love with Nicola. Had I know that would happen I could have been doing it as time went along, but no matter I can do that retrospectively, that will be fine. I’m anxious to  get out in the garden doing stuff again, but keep looking round and feeling like we need some sort of plan and idea of how we want it to look. At the moment we’re just working with what is there. Attempting to keep on top of the obvious weeds and I’m also trying to decide where to plant things I’ve got. Need to find a space for my fuchsia cutting, tulip bulbs, a high maintenance rhodedendron, which is purple and some other purple bulbs.

It turns out that 20 minutes of stream of thoughts is a long time and I get through quite a lot of thoughts, now drifting  on to plans for the rest of the week – litlle one comes back tomorrow and I want to explore UTCN with him on Saturday morning, and take him to the Forum for a games thing they’ve got running. Its indie games! GREat, homegrown, small scale, I think. Will have to  find out more. Then the bigger one still needs to be getting to her shows, which she is loving being involved in. And mum wants to meet for coffee and cake as her birthday treat. Plus I need to cobble together the multimedia stuff for church on Sunday.

I keep wondering why I go to church, what do I get from it? Is it all psychological? Is it genuine? Does it have any effect on me? Do I go for the people that are there, because they are quite a welcoming bunch? And cake! There will be cake. And also this weekend, the oldest one is with hubby and I. He needs collecting on Friday, dropping in the city/station on sat and returning to his mum on Sunday. So that’s plans for pretty much everyone else.

Yet again, what about me? I leave myself behind, just doing the stuff I have to do, meeting obligations, making arrangements and keeping to plans, what about the stuff I WANT to do, the things I choose? I guess that is partly why I wanted to do this blog thing. I did pick up my bass briefly yesterday. Played for a few minutes, felt disappointed with myself because I haven’t played anything on it for MONTHS and resumed the cycle of wishing I could play better, wondering if I’m being stupid to want to, realising I would regret it if I did decide to stop completely, and wishing I was able to play better than I can. I know that I would be better if I spent more time practicing, learning songs, jamming along, if I could hear what other bass players were doing and tried to replicate that, if I played from my heart/soul rather than trying to follow the tab mechanically. Ah the woe, I don’t deserve sympathy for that angst because I know how to sort it out but never have I ever put the time in, even when I first started playing, before I had kids and my own home to run and work and  all those other things, so I can’t really blame that because I know its not true. I shouldn’t let myself feel whimsical about that and imagine that it would be any different. It’s just a case of priorities and what is most important seems to be things like putting washing on, doing washing up, waiting for the time when hubby gets home so we can have a cup of tea and smoke together…I tell myself there isn’t enough to have a quick practice before he gets back, when no doubt there is. Or there would be if I just picked it up and played!

I mention smoking, now that has set me off on another tangent. The sense that I don’t want to be smoking much longer. I didn’t really want to get started again, but not badly enough to make sure I didn’t. That was my choice to start again after 3 1/2 years of being stopped. Hubby sounds like he is talking seriously about stopping now, in order to get a car that he would love to have. That’s great. That would be fantastic if we both stopped. I know I would really really struggle to stop smoking if he was going to continue indefinitely, but if we’re both going to knock it on the head, then its achievable. There would be a short spell of time that would be difficult/uncomfortable but we both know if would be well worth the effort.

There that’s 20 minutes. I’ll publish.

Sobering sentence on subject of suicide

I had to stop reading when I reached it.

The biggest predictor of suicide is not depression, it is the loss of hope.

I put it down, looked away, tried not to let an expression show. I was at work and glancing through a magazine. It was talking about someone who spent many years in mental health institutions. He committed suicide once he was back in the world. Loss of hope.

That struck me hard. Because I am not feeling very hopeful. Have been really pressurised by lack of money for a few months. Can’t see it getting any better. But I won’t talk about this with friends. Will barely breathe a word to my husband. Turns out I am still a clam of feelings.

Aaah, the home made gig bag…

I mentioned the gig bag in my post about a crocheted shawl. I bought an acoustic bass and decided that the best solution for transporting it would be to create a custom gig bag, using recycled materials. So, I sourced an old (and large) canvas tent, borrowed a duvet, and an old duvet cover.

I began by making a miniature version to test my method and see where there might be problems. Turned out there were difficulties. The main one being how to sew the zip in so that it fitted properly. Another, which I only planned to explore on the full size example was what to use for a carry handle and how to attach it. 

Let’s get some photographs…

Dog Days of Summer CD

The lovely Jo from the amazing band Dog Days of Summer sent me a CD of their music just like I asked for and its really great.

The best thing about playing a CD from a band that you have been to see live is that you can imagine you are there watching them and for me thats a major part of music – how it sounds (and looks) live. Now DDOS do both of those elements fantastically. Its how it should be when you can see the band are enjoying themselves, are putting everything into their set, regardless of the audience size or whether they are watching the Olympics.

I was fairly incensed that the TV was on (albeit muted) during the gig these guys were and (even worse) that people were watching that instead of the band!!

And now I have a CD I can play at home and relive the show in some ways. Yay!!

http://www.thedogdaysofsummer.com/index.html

Crochet shawl?

I do enjoy crochet. I am drawn to it seasonally – as winter approaches. The difficulty I have is finding projects that are somehow worthwhile – something that can be worn or given away. In the spring I made (and finished) my biggest project ever: a blanket, requested to be approximately 1m by 2m in a particular shade of grey. The pattern was of my own choosing. It did end up being about 1m wide but only 1.5m long because I ran out of wool. I am so proud of having made that and given it to someone who is using it as she and I both hoped.

 

So I spent most of the last week frantically crocheting a shawl I wanted to wear for a wedding reception on Saturday evening, finished joining the pieces together about an hour before the event and then decided I didn’t want to wear it after all! It just didn’t feel right. But, at least I finished the project. Which is more than I can say for the gig bag I have been working on for my acoustic bass….

My first blog post

Hi there,

This is my first blog post EVER.

Its a bit of a non-event because I’m not prepared to write a full entry just yet. I intend to share some of the books I’ve read and the other things I like to do in my spare time.

I have just completed a crochet project, nearly finished a sewing project, recently finished a couple of great books and have more in the queue to read. I have also just discovered the pleasure behind fishing.

If you have a blog of your own, do let me know so I can have a look.

Back soon.

Blog Spot

Written by the man behind the Sacred Omega project, optimistically entitled ‘Am I the only sane man on planet earth’ in which he meanders, rants and raves about the world in general. Give it a look 🙂 http://amitheonlysanemanonplanetearth.blogspot.co.uk/